Anthem! Parody

"Anthem!" by Tom Conry is another fave from the Gather hymnal that we sing a lot at my church. The words alone are odd: there's really nothing like a homage to both Marty Haugen's "Gather Us In," and Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Light". The tune, though, really puts the thing over the top. It's worth some effort to find it on the Youtube if you've never heard it before. It made me a bit mental when we sang it on the 4th Sunday of Lent, and I've not really successfully got it out of my head since. So here's my parody. Enjoy!

Anthem! Only slightly more accurate in describing the Catholic congregation

We are fun, we are special,
We will later get some doughnuts,
We all like to read the bulletin throughout the homily.
We are bored, we are restless,
We are paper, scissors, clay,
And this song may not make sense, but
We must sing it anyway!

V1.

Let's think of random poems
That can teach theology --
Maybe something nice by Coleridge --
That's supposed to be religious.
We're the ancient mariner
Jesus is the albatross*
And He died for sinful sailors
on the Cross.

(Even truer version of chorus)

We are lost, we are tone-deaf
We are sadly lacking rhythm
We are singing gamely onward through the verses here today.
We add wrong syncopations
We're in 7 different keys
We're made breathless by the tempo;
St Cecilia, help us please!

V2.
And what is all this coming to
These hymns and poetry?
I just want to get Communion.
How long must we all keep singing?
There are 20 verses more**
We'll be singing til the night
For to sing this song forever
Is our plight.***

(LotR Version, after the mental stability of the congregation breaks down totally):

We are nice, we are precious
We are very good at riddles
We are nice to nassty hobbitses who lead us on the way
We are good, we are tricksy
We are wanting to be free
We are Gollum, we are Smeagol
We are plotting victory!

* Except, lucky for us, Jesus' death meant not a curse but salvation!
** There are not 20 verses, but the verses are SO LONG it kind of seems that way.
*** Patience is a virtue. Just not one I we have. We will only spend 3 minutes singing this song. Even the Beatles gave more time to "Hey, Jude."